Thoughts, at random...

My sister is an amazingly talented photographer, and she has a new photo blog. She is posting one new picture every day for a full year, in honor of a good friend who died a couple weeks ago. This is it.

She makes me very proud :)

I bought my wedding dress over the weekend. This a huge relief, and I'm starting to get super-excited about this wedding nonsense again, now that all the decision making is done. For the most part.

My job is killing my soul/spirit/overall desire to live.

Pretty and I are going to Sedona this weekend, and I'm really hoping that this will provide enough rest to last a few more weeks. I'm getting really burned out man, and I'm not sure how much longer I can go without having a full-blown nervous breakdown.

People disappoint me a lot. I should stop having such high expectations.
Something I like about myself- my ability to see through most bullshit. I'm also pretty fond of my gift of telling people to fuck off while maintaining a smile on my face and a song in my heart :) I feel that I would be an excellent torturer. Or spy. Or both. Preferably both. 
I get this from my grandmother. I talked to her on the phone yesterday. It's funny to hear the way she tells stories, because it's always with the same sarcastic tone that I use.

Eh, ran out of motivation. Until next time...

 (Photo by Allison Johnston)

  

Something that makes me happy: my home.

I really love where we're living now.
There is a pomegranate tree in the back
Ivy covers one side of the building and then wraps around through the car port and above the front door.
We live next to an old woman who plays the piano with her windows open.
There are neighborhood cats that sleep on top of the roofs of different buildings, and sometimes on people's cars.
Our master bedroom is the quietest room in the whole place.
There is natural light everywhere.
There is plenty of room for the Love Puppy.
I get to have my Art Space.
The location is pretty perfect and this is going to be the first place I've lived in since my parents' house that I won't be moving out of in May.
There is a dry "river" right behind our complex, and there are no leash-laws there so the Love Puppy has a place to run around and play while I collect pretty desert rocks. 
This is our Engaged House, and will soon be our first Married House.
My Pretty lives here.
Etc.

Le sigh.
My face smells like sulfur.

Dear Blogger, I'm cheating on you.

Is it another blog?
Yes. I'm sorry.  I never meant for you to find out this way, blogger.

I'm not going to share the specifics of this new blog because it is my (our, actually- it's a collaboration of sorts) baby and I must protect it at all costs. 
Maybe someday.
But most likely not.
This one is meant to be anonymous, and it's hard to keep it this way if I share my new secret three days into having it.
I will share that I'm really excited about this. It's a new project. I love projects.

I'm trying to talk Pretty into a long weekend in Flagstaff. We haven't been there since the end of last summer. I miss the fresh air. I've already been approved for the time off...maybe I'll kidnap him and take him there against his will.
And really, it shouldn't be too difficult to talk the boy into some time with his bestie. I'll bring a book and give them the chance to be all in love or whatever.

Flagstaff in the spring...be still my heart.  

Oh HELL No

Fact: If I seriously plan any aspect of our upcoming wedding for more than one day per week, I get panic attacks and wedding-related stress dreams. Dumb.
I can't explain it. I don't know why this happens.
Maybe because I have to pull this thing together in about a day and a goddamn half? Hmmmm??
Sorry, language.

I never understood the need for wedding planners until now.
Weird thing to complain about? Probably. But it plagues me, I tell you. PLAGUES.
Just wanna take a nap and eat some Klonopin like it's effing candy. Why must that be frowned upon?

I had a super-stressful work day. 
It's not so reassuring to be working on a career in social work, and hate people more and more with each passing day...
I already need another vacation.

I don't want to feel personally responsible for anyone else for at least a week. Starting to get concerned about my own well-being, which is never a good sign since it's not in my nature to worry about my own needs in any way. Ever.

This just isn't gonna get positive. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow? We'll see. 

I'm exhausted.
No, really.
This has been one of the most emotionally/physically draining weeks ever. Of all time. Someone put this shit in an encyclopedia so it doesn't just become some far-fetched tale, told to younger generations to warn them of the dangers of daily life. We need some goddamn documentation.
It's not my story to tell, so I will not share it. But ohmygod.

Changing topics.

I've been getting these headaches that feel like all of my blood pressure rests on my forehead. I wanna take a drill to my skull and drain the insanity...Pi reference? Anyone?

Things that have been making me happy...
Pretty
Sister-gator
Love Puppy
Date Night with Princess Pants
Not planning my wedding
Defending my friends with wit and the darkest of sarcasm- the only weapons I'll ever need.


Sometimes I'm awesome. Just throwin' it out there.
No, really, I couldn't care less about table linens. I know it's crazy, but I swears it's true.
The best sandwiches are made by hippies. Fact.
I hope my 2 o'clock doesn't show.
It's balls hot in my office.